first blog

I wonder if i am a christian or not. i. I mean i really do believe in Jesus Christ and i really do believe that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and i really do believe in that Jesus is the son of God and i really do believe that there is a heaven and hell and i really do believe that God is real. But the problem that i have right now is that i don't behave like a christian should be behaving. I should be nice to others and love them like brothers and sisters but i don't. I should respect and obey my parents but I disobey them and disrespect them. I shouldn't swear and say god's name in vein but I swear like its a addiction to me and i say gods name in vein. I shouldn't be think about perverted things but I still do. I shouldn't be doing a lot of things and i should start doing what a REAL christian should be doing. I'm not going to lie but I have done some big mistakes during the past, like smoking marijuana and drinking alcohol. But thankfully i have stopped and I've been clean for a long time. I know its bad to do all that crap but i always get this feeling telling me to start doing it again. I don't know if its the devil that trying to mess with me or its me. Sometimes its boring to be a christian. Being all the good person and spread the word of God. But no matter how much i try, i find out that I'm the one making trouble. That I'm the one creating the trouble. That I'm the one just standing in the corner when others are spreading the word of God. AM I REALLY A CHRISTIAN?